Wednesday, 10 March 2010

you look well

Well, it's been a while, huh? Or it seems like it to me, at least.

It seems like a long time since my last chemo session and it's been good time. That extra week off the Sick Sauce makes all the difference to my life.

'You look well', people say. I guess I do. Hair is thinning, but hair is still hairy. Weight is not a lot different from when I was training for the marathon. If you look well, you are well in most people's eyes. I don't argue.

I've been working pretty hard this last week, almost got in a couple of 10 hour days. And for the last week or so, I guess I've forgotten about my status as 'host to cancer'. When you look well, people don't ask so much. If people don't ask so much, you don't talk about it so much. And after a few days ... well ... you kinda just forget.

I've been saving up for some very expensive new musical toys recently and selling off some old ones. That's kept my mind occupied. I've managed to justifty an unjustifyable spending spree by playing The Cancer Card on myself. I deserve it. I'm not sure Barclaycard will see it that way, when I default on the credit card payments, but I'll cross that bridge should I ever get to it. The toys have been ordered and will be ready for pickup come the 16th ... which will give me a focus through the coming days of clutching a toilet bowl.

In fact, the last two weeks have been good. I'm gainfully occupied, I've got some new toys to look forward to, I've been out with some good friends, I'm learning a new computer programming language, I'm not putting any pressure on myself, I'm off to see 'Alice In Wonderland' at the iMax tonight, I'm not thinking about furiously multiplying body cells and, of course, I look well.

So in a strange ironic twist, I find myself in a position of not been this 'content' for quite some time. At a time when others expect me to be at my worst, I'm actually at my best.

That is, of course, when I'm not sick.

Tomorrow I will be sick.

And I won't look very well.


Joel said...

What did you get and what are you selling? All the best for chemo, maybe it won't be as bad as usual with having the extra time to recover in between? One can only hope... All the best.

Anonymous said...

Nice, awesome! Yes you're getting stronger
I can feel it in your writing, love it!!
Yer tomorrow is a drag (understatement)
But you're stronger to deal with it now,you
r the man!! Stay strong and GET WELL!!

Loadsa love Gob Bless you mark xxxx