Sunday, 14 March 2010

sicking down, sucking up

A quick one for you. Session 4a administered - strange day in hospital. Can't write about it - memory brings back nausea.

However, overall, nausea is not as bad - my new Lorizapam drugs seem to be helping, plus I'm taking more of one of the others.

I'm still sick about three times a day, progressively more frequent as the day goes on, but its better. Apart from the Second Coming of a tin of grapefruit. I redefined the term 'bitter'.

The Lorizapam also helps me sleep better, as it is a sedative. Whilst I've no desire to be heavily sedated as a rule of thumb, I know that I'm hardly missing out on anything, as I lay half-paralysed on the sofa. In fact, if I could take a 5 day 'outtahere' tablet. I would every time.

Despite the nausea being milder, its still all a bit Lord Of The Suck, as I keep getting caught in a trap that I should be better than I am - and then attempt to do something normal. But I can't - I'm too weak. Making a concerted effort to do something positive just ends in more nausea and frustration.

The most positive thing I've managed to do, is a little music synthesis study and play Heavy Rain on PS3 for a while. This probably sounds like student heaven, but when you can't really absorb the joy from the tasks, it all becomes a bit pointless.

As a testimony to the apathy the chemo brings on, I've typed this from my Blackberry, because my laptop is four foot out of reach and I can't be arsed to get up.

That's probably your lot for a day or two. Heavy Rain and Heavy Sedation to follow.

Have a good week guys, as weird as it may sound, I'd love to be setting my alarm for 6:30 and rising with the rest of the productive society.

Thanks for all your messages. 'Couldn't do it without you.

S.S.
Sent from my BlackBerry® 9700 wireless device

5 comments:

Jen said...

Thinking about you tons xxx

Malcolm said...

well done for your strength to post the this message Spence, when I know you must be feeling so dreadfully bad. Sounds great about the "new toys". I look forward to hearing more about them. I hope you manage to get some good rest this week...take care.

Anonymous said...

Hello Spencer

Jim's been keeping us informed. We're rooting for you! I appreciate how shitty it is for you, but you sound positive and we're counting the days for it to be over. Every session done is another one behind you and one less to do. Now I've found your page, I'll look regularly.

Love Cheryl and Alan xx

Anonymous said...

The 'bitter' line made me laugh outloud.

Sorry it sucks so much... xx Jo xx

Rachel said...

I had a nasty vomming bug over the weekend and thought of you (! doesnt that sound flattering?!), as i lay on the sofa - totally exhausted and unable to even get up to get water - it saps your energy so completely. It genuinely became a massive achievement to go for a shower on Day Three. The thought of having to go through it every 2 weeks would be entirely depressing. You are an inspiration. R x