that feels a bit sore

First of all, for those that were expecting some of the long 'memories from a hospital' type blogs I promised, I've decided against them for mixed reasons. What is going on now seems more important than back then - and I'm about to post up some Big News.

However, I will very briefly tell you this one story, as I know you all like a soap-opera.

Right before my actual operation, in the pre-op room, I was given an epidural (spinal). I was told if I didn't there would be a tremendous amount of pain afterwards. Ironically, as I came to in the post-op room, I would describe the pain I was in as significantly more than 'tremendous', regardless of this magic spinal fluid.

I went into some sort of shock/shaking fit, shouting for pain-relief. A very long 30 mins later I was injected with something that helped me stop shaking and retching (on fresh internal stitches, oh yes) . This respite was taken as an opportunity to move me to my hospital cell/bed. But the pain soon came flooding back. I called repeatability for help. Some 2 hours later, the nurse who fitted my epidural came to look at where it was placed. It wasn't news to me that it wasn't in place.

Apologies were made and I was told my next best option was a self-administering morphine machine.

Sure.

Just. Hurry. The. Fuck. Up.

Two hours later said machine arrived.

So there you go. For the first 4 hours after having *that* spleen removed there was no pain relief. Pause for a minute and let your own head work out how much that might 'smart a bit'.

The next time one of you females say to me, in your holier-than-thou voice, 'you men don't understand real pain - you never have to go through childbirth', I might be inclined to offer you a Pepsi Challenge on it.

"Here love, let me take out this 8.2kg organ from you - a couple of paracetamol should see you right ..."


I hear-by award myself a 'very brave boy' badge. Pass the sewing kit.

obspleen photography

I'm doing a lot better. Feeling better, eating better and getting some strength back. It's still going to be a little while before "i'm back", but I'm on the road. 

OK ... let's talk about this spleen the hospital removed then. I am still not in the mood for writing very much, so this blog will be perfect, as a picture paints a thousand words.

Linked at the bottom of this spleen are two images.

WARNING, WARNING ... FLAILING ARMS ... 

These images are graphic. They are of a very large, cancerous internal organ remove from the body. Do not click the links if you are squeamish or upset by such images.

Right, before we begin, some points ...

1. The hospital took a series of photos of my spleen on removal. I had to sign permission for the them to be used in medical references etc. According to the consultant who got me to sign, this is very rare nowadays, as most things have been tagged already. The snapshots below where taken on my Blackberry from the originals - photos of photos, as it were. I am allowed to request originals.

2. The weight of the spleen is, apparently, 8.4 KG. (1.3 stone!) This is ridiculous - the weight of carrying twins! - and I refused to believe it at first - but three people in the hospital have confirmed this. The matter it is made up from (dead cells, dead blood etc), is very dense. It also explains why I went from just over 12 stone (despite have no muscle) to under 11 stone.

3. OK, finally ... "A normal Spleen is about 12 cm long, 7 cm wide, and 250 cm3. It is shaped like a largish fist" ... so, clench your fist, take a look and then take a these two pictures.


image 1
image 2

splenectomy: will trade organs for time off chemo

Splenectomy. A splenectomy is a surgical procedure that partially or completely removes the spleen.


... and I'm getting me one.

I went to see my Consultant today. In her room was an unfamiliar face. I was introduced to Dr.Ahab, a surgeon. "This doesn't look too promising", I thought to myself.

To be fair, they didn't tell me anything I didn't know - as I had the CT scans myself from last Friday. A quick look at the image to your right, will show that my spleen (the largest lump on the right hand side, squashing my kidney, should tell you all you need to know). note: this image should be reversed, it's actually on the left-hand side.

So, the fat spleen is coming out ... but there is good news. The rest of the cancerous lymph nodes have responded well to chemo and shrunk. My Consultant seemed quite pleased with the overall progress. It is expected that once this operation is done and I'm fit enough to have the evil chemo again, that there will be around another 6 treatments and I will probably be clear. I've had 6 treatments so far, so I guess 'half way there' on the chemo front is almost reassuring.

The surgeon was a nice guy - he took me next door 'for a feel' and was quite impressed by the size of my spleen - to the point where he want's to show his medical students. I said that there were royalties and contractual issues we would need to agree upon first.

Before the operation, I need to have a "PET-CT" scan (not 100% sure, but it shows up the lymphoma more clearly or *something*). I will also need a herd of injections from my GP - meningitis etc., to ensure I've had all my 'boosters', as spleenless people are susceptible to infection/illness. 


I've been told, with a serious face, that this is a 'big operation'. They will cut all the way down the front of me and open me up like a tin of beans to remove the spleen. I was warned of some possible dangers - some thrombosis type issue and some sudden sepsis possibility, but you can read about that on the Wikipedia link if you like. There's risks to everything and I'm not going to start worrying about them now, as my options are somewhat limited anyhow. My hospital stay is expected to be about 5-7 days and once I'm kicked out, I imagine I'll get about 3-4 weeks of recovery time, before the chemo starts again.


I will have to take penicillin for the rest of my life, daily - a pill in the morning. I imagine I will have to ensure I get booster injections and things like that as well - but really, no big deal.


I'm actually in a quite a good mood about this all, as ALL CHEMO IS CANCELLED!. This is great news for me. I've got a three, maybe four, week spell where I can eat, rest, work and create music without the sickness getting in the way. I intend to get a small holiday down with a very mate in Worthing ... just praying for a bit of sunshine in the next fortnight or so to make that perfect. The thought of a few long-ish walks along the sea sounds like heaven right now.


Right - there's your news ... I anticipate not a huge amount of new updates coming our way for a while now ... but at least you won't have to hear me whinge my way through another chemo session.


I'm off to start explaining to my spleen that things just haven't worked out between us - that it's not you, it's me and that perhaps it's time that he moved on. I think he will be upset but he'll know it's for the best. 


I hate these long goodbyes.




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UPDATE: Lots and lots and lots of people have asked me today, "What's the date?" of the operation. Sorry I didn't make that clear. I don't know yet - I've just been told it's about 3-4 weeks. Rest assured when I know, you'll know very shortly after. S.S.

rough week, rough day

I can't actually be bothered to write this blog, but there is news, so I may as well tell it. For the point of a blog is to tell news. It's my commitment to you. Be grateful.

The last chemo session - 3b - was horrible, as per usual. Lots more of lots more of the same. Especially vomit. Lots of vomit.

The main difference came when I would normally be coming out the other side and returning to work - the 'chemo sickness' feeling left around Tuesday as per usual, but my body continued to be very weak. So much so that despite hauling my skinny ass to work on Wednesday for a tokenistic appearance, I couldn't get the same skinny ass back to work on Thursday. I just felt very weak, even going for a short walk would leave me breathless ...

Christ, this is pathetic.You get the idea. Moan. Moan. Moan.

The actual 'news' is this - I've just returned from a double-visit-day at the hospital. First up was to tidy up my PICC line and snip down the length as it's slowly been coming out ... then it was back in the afternoon for my second CT spleen scan. You may remember that I had a CT scan way back at the start in December and if you haven't seen it, the image is on this blog here

I'm going to write more about this situation later on - but without giving too much away, I've seen the CT scan results, I've actually already got the CD with the images on (I've got good contacts!) and although I await my Consultants opinion next Wednesday, it's fair to say that we are not looking at a miracle here.

In fact, the size difference is pretty negligible - to these untrained eyes anyhow ... it's still a monster and I know this, as it's in my bloody body - I feel like someone has tucked a balloon stuffed full of Paxo under my left hand ribs. I haven't slept on my left hand side since November. So, the images have only confirmed what I already knew - it's changed - but it's we are probably talking about a 3-5% change here. Worth the last 4 months of shite? You can answer that.

So, if you are of the betting persuasion, then I suggest placing a large amount of money on the word 'spenectomy' being used in upcoming blogs.

So that's why I am so grumpy tonight then? No, actually. I can live with that. Or without that, as it will probably be. The reason I'm so grumpy this Friday night is because of my ridiculous anticipatory nausea issue. Somehow my mental mind and body decided that the aniseed flavoured water than I had to drink before the CT scan (about a litre, over the course of an hour, so things show up on the scan) must have been chemo related - and so now I'm back on my chemo couch, on a Friday night, feeling bloody nauseous again for no reason. I wouldn't mind, but I've had this exact procedure and drink before with no side effects, so I know it's another phantom sickness. I was looking forward to a night off - feeling a bit better - making some music, relaxing and now I know that the only way out of this feeling is to go to bed ...

Some days I want to just say OH FOR FUCKS SAKE, GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK LORD.

Today is one of those days. So stop reading now if you are easily offende ...

.. ah.