ever the optimist

The problem with this damn blog is that now most my family read it. And the problem with that is, if you put how you really feel sometimes, they will inadvertently worry.

Let's say hypothetically, you're sick of feeling pain, sick of having to leave work to get into a hot bath, sick of feeling lethargic and not having the energy to even create music, sick of chemo, cancer and talking about it, so sick of everything that you wonder why the hell you bother getting up ever day to face another round of the battle, so sick of the pills, hospitals, pain and fucking BOREDOM of it all .... well, you'll find yourself not posting it quite as brutally honestly as that, as someone is bound to then ring you, concerned about your well-being and mental state. Whereupon you'll have to reassure them that actually you're OK and 'battling on' when the last thing is the world you want to do is talk to anyone about your sodding illness.

So you don't. Because you don't want to worry them. Instead, you fill your blogs with some humour and optomism even when you don't actually feel humorous or optimistic. You don't actually write that if someone had left a gun on the pillow, you'd probably have taken your head off by now, as that could potentially cause worry amongst those that love you.

No, it's best to balance each blog with a healthy dose of self-depreciating humour and if possible, a video or some music. This keeps everyone happy.

Hey look !!! I'm in this promo video. My life is fucking great! Yay!