... Great name for a band, that.
I'm here just to let you know that I'm in a good mood. The weekend was good - a great balance of doing things with people - like bowling, AA, visiting friends - countered with some quality time by myself feeling not-sick. You treasure those days.
As I've previously mentioned, I have been instructed to give myself three injections to help boost my white blood cell count, so my treatments can continue every 2 weeks, as opposed to being delayed. I was told to stick myself with one on Friday, Saturday and Sunday,but when it came down to it, I just couldn't do it myself. On Friday I didn't even bother trying. The needle itself it only really about 2 cm's long, and it needs to be stabbed in under some pinched stomach fat before the the 5mm of gooey liquid is pumped in with the syringe. Thankfully, an ex-girlfriend jumped at the opportunity to stab me in the gut with a sharp object and she did the tricky bit for me in my office. It doesn't hurt at all, but it's the action of stabbing myself that I just can't do. I suddenly have new respect for captured Japanese soldiers in WWII .
In a rather optimistic moment of insanity, I thought I'd try myself on Saturday. It was ridiculous. I stabbed the needle in about 2mm and then instantly pulled it out again, leaving a drawing pin hole in my tummy. Like a school boy that had pricked himself with a needle, my bottom lip dropped and I said 'ouch'. That was my one and only attempt to do it. I'm such a big girl when it comes to this sort of thing. I failed to find anyone on Saturday to do the job, so it didn't get done (I got moaned at by my Key Worker this morning about that). but I managed to find volunteers on Sunday and this morning, so my three injections are now done. Hooray.
Speaking to my Key Worker, it's looking like they are pushing for this PICC line to be put in soon. I think I'm going to be called in tomorrow or Wednesday to have the procedure explained to me by the nurse. It's fair to say that I'm not looking forward to this at all but it has to be better than the chemo experience I had last time - and yes, my arm is still hurting. That's 11 days of vein pain so far ...
I was having a little feel of myself in bed last night - stop sniggering at the back - and I've concluded that my spleen is shrinking. This is good news. It doesn't feel as 'up high' as it was before ... it used to stick out a bit more ... I think it's definitely a more lean spleen. Hopefully I'm not imagining it.
Right ho, not a very exciting blog today. Not even a funny one either. But I thought I'd just drop by to say that I'm well, I've had a good weekend, I'm actually quite happy, looking quite healthy and feeling grateful for my sick-free days.
It won't last.
Showing posts with label low blood count. Show all posts
Showing posts with label low blood count. Show all posts
Monday, 15 February 2010
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
chemo session 3
I've had enough of chemo. I hate it. With a passion.
It's Tuesday morning. 06:30. I want to go to work, but I still feel sick and I ache. The background sickness is still more foreground than background and frankly, I've had enough.
It was a tough session. A session that I'm going to find it hard to write about without making myself feel sicker but my lack of blogging is playing on my mind, like some unfinished homework.
The session was pretty much the same as before, but the last drug, the one that causes me all the "vein pain" (dacarbazine), was twice as painful as before. I can't describe why or what was different, but I felt something wasn't right. One two occasions I demanded the treatment was stopped and in fact, due to time constraints (they are not allowed to administer drugs after 5:00pm, as there are no doctors help in the event of a reaction), I only managed to get 50% of this drug in me. I was hoping this would result in 50% less sickness, but that was not to be.
To confirm my suspicions that something wasn't right, my vein continues to hurt even today. Not all the time, but very periodically ... a sharp pain that shoots into my hand and up my wrist... whilst in itself the pain is not unbearable, it brings with it the sense, the feeling, the taste and the sickness of the treatment ... it's like I'm still having the drug administered into the vein. Hence, five days later and I'm still feeling horrible.
I blame my brain. It's started making all kinds of connections to feeling sick. From now on, Ready Salted Crisps are off my diet list, as are 'egg on brown' sandwiches. Why? I was eating them during my last treatment and had to stop half way through, as I felt horrible. Now, the thought of those crisps actually brings on a very strong feeling of nausea. I guess this is no different from drinking a litre bottle spirits as a kid and spending the next three days feeling like death - just the thought or smell of it will turn your stomach.
The problem I face is that it's getting worse every trip. I actually fear the place now. I'm internally fighting against going back. The most depressing thought I have is that I still have not managed to do a "every two weeks" stint - as each time I have been delayed by my low white blood cells. The thought that by the time I'm back on my feet, it will be a mere 7 days before I return is crushing.
Speaking of the "every two weeks" thing, I have been given a solution to my low white-cell count problem. As of this coming Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I am supposed to impale a 3 inch needle in my gut and push the plunger - to give myself a bone marrow boost.
This is not going to happen.
What is going to happen, is that I will spent 45 minutes standing naked in front of a mirror, shouting at myself for being such a pathetically unmanly human being as I stand poised to plunge the needle but unable to move my arm, before finally getting dressed and crawling on my hands and knees to a nurse in my treatment centre, begging her to put my out of my pathetic misery. It will take her 5 seconds.
Be sure to come back Friday for that blog of frustration.
Since I started this miserable blog, I've had to open a window to suck down some fresh air and drink some lemon and ginger tea. Because I feel sick.
Christ, I'm sick of chemo.
Absolutely sick of it.
It's Tuesday morning. 06:30. I want to go to work, but I still feel sick and I ache. The background sickness is still more foreground than background and frankly, I've had enough.
It was a tough session. A session that I'm going to find it hard to write about without making myself feel sicker but my lack of blogging is playing on my mind, like some unfinished homework.
The session was pretty much the same as before, but the last drug, the one that causes me all the "vein pain" (dacarbazine), was twice as painful as before. I can't describe why or what was different, but I felt something wasn't right. One two occasions I demanded the treatment was stopped and in fact, due to time constraints (they are not allowed to administer drugs after 5:00pm, as there are no doctors help in the event of a reaction), I only managed to get 50% of this drug in me. I was hoping this would result in 50% less sickness, but that was not to be.
To confirm my suspicions that something wasn't right, my vein continues to hurt even today. Not all the time, but very periodically ... a sharp pain that shoots into my hand and up my wrist... whilst in itself the pain is not unbearable, it brings with it the sense, the feeling, the taste and the sickness of the treatment ... it's like I'm still having the drug administered into the vein. Hence, five days later and I'm still feeling horrible.
I blame my brain. It's started making all kinds of connections to feeling sick. From now on, Ready Salted Crisps are off my diet list, as are 'egg on brown' sandwiches. Why? I was eating them during my last treatment and had to stop half way through, as I felt horrible. Now, the thought of those crisps actually brings on a very strong feeling of nausea. I guess this is no different from drinking a litre bottle spirits as a kid and spending the next three days feeling like death - just the thought or smell of it will turn your stomach.
The problem I face is that it's getting worse every trip. I actually fear the place now. I'm internally fighting against going back. The most depressing thought I have is that I still have not managed to do a "every two weeks" stint - as each time I have been delayed by my low white blood cells. The thought that by the time I'm back on my feet, it will be a mere 7 days before I return is crushing.
Speaking of the "every two weeks" thing, I have been given a solution to my low white-cell count problem. As of this coming Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I am supposed to impale a 3 inch needle in my gut and push the plunger - to give myself a bone marrow boost.
This is not going to happen.
What is going to happen, is that I will spent 45 minutes standing naked in front of a mirror, shouting at myself for being such a pathetically unmanly human being as I stand poised to plunge the needle but unable to move my arm, before finally getting dressed and crawling on my hands and knees to a nurse in my treatment centre, begging her to put my out of my pathetic misery. It will take her 5 seconds.
Be sure to come back Friday for that blog of frustration.
Since I started this miserable blog, I've had to open a window to suck down some fresh air and drink some lemon and ginger tea. Because I feel sick.
Christ, I'm sick of chemo.
Absolutely sick of it.
Thursday, 28 January 2010
denied. again.
I'll keep this short-ish, as we've been here before.
I went for chemo session 3. They took my blood. I was sent home. Not enough white blood cells.
Annoying, but not totally unsurprising as I'm feeling run-down at the moment - I have a coldsore, a few mouth ulcers and a background sick feeling.
But I've learnt a new word today - Neutrophenia ... I shall quote from my latest booklet
"Following chemotherapy there is a risk of infection from bacteria or fungus in foods. This is for two reasons: 1) The white blood cells (neutrophils) that would usually fight food poisoning bacteria are at a low level. This is referred to as neutropenia. 2) The gut lining acts as a barrier between bacteria and the bloodstream. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy damage the gut lining making it easier for any bacteria to cross this barrier.
During neutropenia, the following guidelines will help to reduce the risk of food poisoning whilst still allowing as varied a diet as possible. There is no single agreed definition of neutropenia or severe neutropenia; the levels quoted below are very widely used but if a doctor uses different levels patients should be guided by those. The type of advice to be followed is dependent on the number of white blood cells in the bloodstream: this is known as the neutrophil count."
Link to booklet
And there is then a few pages about what you can eat and what you shouldn't. Fairly basic stuff that can be boiled down to things like, don't eat raw eggs, don't eat cheese that you find in the back of a gym locker, don't defrost your chicken, stuff it with melted ice-cream, refreeze it for a few hours, then leave to defrost on your toilet seat before having for dinner. Also, don't suck on a cows teat, dont bite the heads off gerbils and wash your hands after playing with your own faeces. Or someone else's faeces.
Slightly hacked off that I had to go through another round of 'find the vein' and wait around, before being sent home - but on the plus side I do have another week off to play Modern Warfare 2, my latest 'alternative to real life' distraction.
Outtahere.
I went for chemo session 3. They took my blood. I was sent home. Not enough white blood cells.
Annoying, but not totally unsurprising as I'm feeling run-down at the moment - I have a coldsore, a few mouth ulcers and a background sick feeling.
But I've learnt a new word today - Neutrophenia ... I shall quote from my latest booklet
"Following chemotherapy there is a risk of infection from bacteria or fungus in foods. This is for two reasons: 1) The white blood cells (neutrophils) that would usually fight food poisoning bacteria are at a low level. This is referred to as neutropenia. 2) The gut lining acts as a barrier between bacteria and the bloodstream. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy damage the gut lining making it easier for any bacteria to cross this barrier.
During neutropenia, the following guidelines will help to reduce the risk of food poisoning whilst still allowing as varied a diet as possible. There is no single agreed definition of neutropenia or severe neutropenia; the levels quoted below are very widely used but if a doctor uses different levels patients should be guided by those. The type of advice to be followed is dependent on the number of white blood cells in the bloodstream: this is known as the neutrophil count."
Link to booklet
And there is then a few pages about what you can eat and what you shouldn't. Fairly basic stuff that can be boiled down to things like, don't eat raw eggs, don't eat cheese that you find in the back of a gym locker, don't defrost your chicken, stuff it with melted ice-cream, refreeze it for a few hours, then leave to defrost on your toilet seat before having for dinner. Also, don't suck on a cows teat, dont bite the heads off gerbils and wash your hands after playing with your own faeces. Or someone else's faeces.
Slightly hacked off that I had to go through another round of 'find the vein' and wait around, before being sent home - but on the plus side I do have another week off to play Modern Warfare 2, my latest 'alternative to real life' distraction.
Outtahere.
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