fat spleen

First up, I hope noone took offense to my sick little Cancer Card post below. What can I say, boredom does funny things to an already sick man. It still makes me laugh, though. As long as I'm happy etc ...

I think my spleen has got a bit fatter over the last couple of days. Hard to say, but it feels more uncomfortable, a bit like I've eaten too much. Yawning is harder than before (yawning squeezes the diphragm and there's no room for all my insides when compressed, so it 'hurts').

I feel lazy and like I could go back to bed at any moment. But I'm here, at work, spending too much time distracted by the internet and music forums, when I could, at the very least, be carrying on with my C# development study.

I've got it into my head that when this first complete course of chemo is finished (not sure when, but let's say May sometime), that the scan results will reveal that my spleen hasn't shrunk much and it will be taken out anyhow. It was so touch and go last time, that I think the odds were alway stacked against me. As you will see, if you need reminding, on my Cancer Card and click that disturbing tree, my spleen is/was damn big to start with. Well, at the very least, total spleen removal will be a whole new chapter in the blog. I'll see if I can hook up a live organ removal webcam.

I am due for chemo tomorrow - that's doesn't help my mood, I guess. Another week of feeling rubbish whilst chained the chemo couch. The novelty has worn as thinner than the thickness of a butterfly's wing.

Positives? Well, I had a good weekend, a lot of my new music toys arrived and I set up my first professional studio mic, complete with reflection filter and pop shields, to record my terrible voice. Plus I got some amazing new (virtual) synthesisers for my music workstation (I won't bore you with it, but think 'lots of nice new sounds'). I'm still awaiting my actual, physical, real, synth (Access Virus Ti2 Keyboard, go google), which is hideously delayed and causing mild resentment towards a certain music store and a German keyboard manufacturer.

Another big positive, I have my first music lesson on Sunday. By an amazing piece of 'luck' or co-incidence, I have found a guy who lives in walking distance of my abode, who teaches music tech at Hertfordshire Uni, is an excellent pianist/keyboard player but also knows and understands all the techy stuff (which I want to bore you with, but I shall spare you). So my homework ranges from 'scales and chords' (as you would expect), to critiquing a Nick Drake song (!), to writing a song with my vocals (argh!) so we can look at mixing options. I'm optimistic that my work with this guy will really help me to be not only be a better keyboard player (shouldn't be too hard), but increase my songwriting ability and production techniques. He was quite a find, it's not that easy to find these people like this kicking around ... especially one on your doorstep.

So, reasons to be cheerful and life is, cancer aside, painfree, stressfree and full of interesting people. I am blessed. But it's bloody hard to hang onto that when the smell of chemo ward fills your lungs.

Speak soon.

S.S.x